She Wolf

The sky is blue,

The grass is green.

Your eyes can’t always show you,

That nothing is ever as it seems.

When I’m happy,

I wear a bright smile.

Even when I’m sad,

It lasts for a while.

Until the moment comes,

When I wake up from my dreams.

And the nightmare catches up,

As nothing was ever what it seems.

Those nights during my darkest hours,

I can hear the Canis Lupus howl.

She hones her vocal powers,

Slowly turning my smile into a growl.

She flares up what you couldn’t see,

Like a full moon shining down on me.

The part of me I tried to hide,

Is now visible to everyone’s eyes.

Though I denied her cries,

And believed my own lies.

The truth is that she will always be,

The wolf who lives inside of me.

Is Dis Connecting?

They say that you a three people; the person you think you are, the person others think you are and the person you actually are. I had some real life comments about my online appearance come at me like bullets of existential threats, as it made me conscious of how completely out of touch I was with this “cyber me”. A person who everyone seemed to know: Except me. It took me a while to digest the dissonance I felt with the instagram version of me, as this truth confronted me with the idea that the person YOU meet is someone who I might have not met at all.

My curiosity in the relationship between humans and technology and its influence on our organic way of living was sparked by these comments. It led me to deepen my still shallow understanding of how much the online world has been chipping away at real life nuances and etiquettes.

Did you know, that ELIZA, one of the earliest language models created at MIT by Joseph Weizembaum exposed early on how its users started to attribute human-like feelings to a computer program? And that the techniques described in the book addiction by design by Natasha Dow Schull used for vending machines called reels have been perfectly engineered to pull people in an addictive state called the machine zone, effectively maximizing player engagement?  Have you also read about the research conducted by Mary Aiken in which she argues how the unregulated online environment amplifies harmful behavior and distorts human interaction in the book the cyber effect?

These discoveries in a sense fascinated me but also made me frighteningly aware of the development of online communication and interaction, which has now not only allowed us but is actually actively inviting us to experience intimacy with a person based solely on online interactions, enabled by the proximity of a screen. This in spite of the famous Harvard study conducted by Dr. Waldinger who has found that there is a strong association between happiness and close relationships with spouses, families, friends and social circles.

After learning all of this and more, I’m starting to reach the conclusion that we are slowly pivoting towards living a life in which we spent more time with the screens in our pockets than we ever will with another living being. It made me question what the extent is to which we are actually able to perceive each other for who we are, instead of letting our eyes, or our screens for the matter, project ideas and judgement upon others. And if so, would it ever be possible for us to be truly seen for who we are and to be loved for it?

Because is true connection not the moment when you feel seen and accepted for who you truly are?

Can we in today’s frictionless society still find love for the imperfect, slow, full of friction or in modern terms; unbearably human version of each other?

One solution that I think could help us achieve this is to have no online presence at all. A solution I crave at times but have yet to effectivly implement, as at times it feels impossible in the always on society we live in today.

So while we’re living through what Edward O. Wilson called an age of “primitive emotions, medieval institutions and godlike technology” I wonder how we are supposed to correctly navigate through life to help us find real and authentic communication to obtain and share happiness, given the influences these tools have on us while we’re going through a revolution so beyond our reptilian comprehension?

I have yet to find the answer but until then all I wonder is:

Is Dis Connecting?